16 Aug You Don’t Have To Be “Fine” All Of The Time
I sat down last night and attempted to write something profound and inspirational but nothing came. I looked at the blank page and felt emotionally stuck, exhausted and very, very weepy.
There is an incredible amount of intense, uncomfortable emotion crashing around inside of me. I wanted to scream, be hugged, throw anything I can get my hands on, against the wall. I looked up from my computer and felt a twinge in my back. The realisation that my body aches with tiredness made me slouch even more.
I take off my glasses and rub my eyes with the palms of my hands.
I’m unsure of what I am feeling. I am unsure what my body is desperately trying to communicate to my brain. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Confusion? No. Go deeper
Loneliness? Hhmmmm maybe?
Weariness? Yes…getting warmer.
Disappointment? X marks the spot.
Yes. It is disappointment. Weariness and disappointment in myself.
I don’t feel like ‘giving up or giving in’ very often, but today might be the day the day I finally break. Suddenly aware that it is dark outside, I check my phone for the time. 8pm. I haven’t eaten since 10am. My tummy growls.
For the past hour, I haven’t really attempted to get myself going and because honestly, I am burnt out. I’ve been burnt out for months. Or is it years?
I write down the only word that keeps coming to me.
Accept that I’m feeling like shit, accept that I don’t feel like I have the power to shift myself in this moment, accept that I have down days, accept that I’m a mess and a half today, accept that the shift I am looking for might take time.
Surrender to the weariness. Surrender to the disappointment.
Surrender to the process and that the spirit will guide me to exactly what I need to do.
Acceptance, surrender, patience and trust.
In myself. And only myself.
My tummy is still angry with me.
My bed is calling my name.
I need a new way of being from tomorrow. But first, eat some dinner and get a good night’s rest.