You Don't Have To Be "Fine" All Of The Time
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You Don’t Have To Be “Fine” All Of The Time

16 Aug You Don’t Have To Be “Fine” All Of The Time

I sat down last night and attempted to write something profound and inspirational but nothing came. I looked at the blank page and felt emotionally stuck, exhausted and very, very weepy.

There is an incredible amount of intense, uncomfortable emotion crashing around inside of me. I wanted to scream, be hugged, throw anything I can get my hands on, against the wall. I looked up from my computer and felt a twinge in my back. The realisation that my body aches with tiredness made me slouch even more.

I take off my glasses and rub my eyes with the palms of my hands.

I’m unsure of what I am feeling. I am unsure what my body is desperately trying to communicate to my brain. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Confusion? No. Go deeper  

Loneliness? Hhmmmm maybe?

Weariness? Yes…getting warmer.

Disappointment? X marks the spot.

 

Yes. It is disappointment. Weariness and disappointment in myself.

I don’t feel like ‘giving up or giving in’ very often, but today might be the day the day I finally break. Suddenly aware that it is dark outside, I check my phone for the time. 8pm. I haven’t eaten since 10am. My tummy growls.

For the past hour, I haven’t really attempted to get myself going and because honestly, I am burnt out. I’ve been burnt out for months. Or is it years?

I write down the only word that keeps coming to me.

ACCEPTANCE.

Accept that I’m feeling like shit, accept that I don’t feel like I have the power to shift myself in this moment, accept that I have down days, accept that I’m a mess and a half today, accept that the shift I am looking for might take time.

Deep sigh.

SURRENDER

Surrender to the weariness. Surrender to the disappointment.

Surrender to the process and that the spirit will guide me to exactly what I need to do.

Acceptance, surrender, patience and trust.

In myself. And only myself.

My tummy is still angry with me.

My bed is calling my name.

I need a new way of being from tomorrow. But first, eat some dinner and get a good night’s rest.

1Comment
  • Kyna Rampersad
    Posted at 10:31h, 18 August Reply

    I know this feeling very well. I’m feeling it as I write this and I’ve felt it for years. Hang in there…

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