24 Oct Letting Go Of Intrusive & Unsolicited Advice
Who the hell asked me to give advice to anyone?
Like seriously though….who?
Classic example: My friends are venting about some issue in their lives – it could be anything, not losing weight according to a schedule, a man, parents, toxic work environment and I just jump right in offering advice on how to to remedy the situation. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
I’m naturally a fixer. If there is a problem, I want to fix it. Fast. It’s how I am wired. Apart from the pain I physically feel when people close to me are hurting, I realised that my inability to sit with uncomfortable emotions such as sadness, confusion and anger caused me to seek how to remove pain rather just be there fully for someone.
Then one day in the midsts of consoling a friend through professional and personal troubles, it hit me like a ton of bricks,
Who am I to tell someone what they should do or what they need? When did it become my job to fix other people’s problems? Why would I assume I know the solution to someone else’s hard times?
When people are being vulnerable, the last thing people want, or even what I wanted in a similar situation was advice on how to make my life better. What I was really looking for was to people to acknowledge that I was in a rock and a hard place. What I was really looking for was someone to compassionately listen to my troubles and to be empathetic.
There is a difference between a friend reaching out for my opinion and me just offering advice cause I think it’s what the person may need to hear. I’m turning over a new leaf. I’ve made a decision to stop giving advice to the people in my life unless they especially ask for it.
I’d like apologise to all of my friends or anyone to whom I gave unsolicited advice to – my intention while coming from a loving place may not have been the most sensitive. Hopefully, I didn’t come across condescending or that I was somehow fully functioning and on my pedestal I’ve somehow earned the right to tell you how to live your life better. And if I did, I am sorry for any shame or hurt it may have caused you.
Here’s to raised self-awareness on the journey.