22 Oct Feel Sexy In Your Skin
I got up this morning and looked in the mirror. I yawned and wiped my eyes.
Not too bad, I thought. But my skin could be clearer like that chick on Instagram. I wonder if she has breast implants? Gosh, my curly hair is just so stubborn!
I catch myself doing what I said I wouldn’t do anymore, compare myself to other women. Just love me as I am right?
My comparison is not as much as it used to be but like a cockroach it keeps popping up when I least expect it. A few years ago, I discovered Mixed People Facebook Pages and Instagram Accounts and I was hooked. Women who were mixed from all over the world being celebrated as beautiful and sexy. And yet even with the emergence of “Mixed People Are Beautiful” Instagram accounts, I can’t quite seem to feel like I am sexy enough. Is this what men want all day? Is the only way to have sex appeal is to show cleavage and have flawless skin? To pose with my hips to the side, butt sticking out and duck lips? Is it all about sexual objectification?
The photos seem to reinforce all of the messages I’ve received from magazines as a teenager into my adulthood. Am I suppose to feel sexy in my skin because the pictures are no longer of white skinny models but now show a variety of voluptuous mixed women?
I know what society thinks is sexy. But what about me? How do I feel sexy in my skin?
Becoming hot is the most important measure for success as a woman. As much as the feminist in me wants to scratch my eyes out for making that statement, unfortunately, that is culture. Attracting a plethora of men is a good measurement of your status as a woman. There is good news though. It doesn’t have to be like this forever.
Women can actively change the culture by the relationship we cultivate with ourselves.
Society’s extremely superficial and limited definition of sexiness makes most women feel insecure and vulnerable and a lot less sexy.
The American Psychological Association found evidence a few years ago that the proliferation of sexualized images of girls and young women in advertising, merchandising and media is harmful to girls’ self-image and healthy development. Examples of the sexualization of girls in all forms of media including visual media and other forms of media such as music lyrics abound. And, according to the report, have likely increased in number as “new media” have been created and access to media has become omnipresent. The influence and attitudes of parents, siblings, and friends can also add to the pressures of sexualization.
Despite all of the graphical and sexual images in the media that urge women to be hot and sexy, we are constantly being told that we should be sexy but innocent, experienced and virginal. Any ladies in the street but freaks in the sheets out there? What’s new to the female sexual objectification plight is that females are supposed to now embody these contrasts within themselves. This creates an impossible internal conflict for me and I suspect other women as well.
The corsets and sexual repression of the past have been replaced by an internal standard that is even more suffocating. Women posing naked as a means to liberate themselves only serve to further to objectify women. Look at me I am naked instead of in the 60s when a man told me I should, now I embody it freely. Yay, feminism!
I have to admit, I’m torn on the sexy issue.
I like anyone else, am sometimes transfixed by new media hotties like Aisha Thalia, Cleo Flowers and Rosa Acosta. I love the sexual freedom of Rihanna and Madonna. I love showing cleavage. I prefer clothes that hug my figure instead of fitting loosely. I secretly want to do a naked photoshoot. It must be liberating to capture all of your flaws on film in a way that celebrates your body. Not for fame, not for a magazine, not for attention but to celebrate my temple.
On the flipside, the more I explore my authentic self in all the different aspects of my life, the more I am beginning to understand the sexual objectification programming which I received growing up and as an adult. It is clear for the first time in my life that I do not genuinely subscribe to most messages I have received.
More and more I determine what my version of sexy is and yes like a true feminist my sexual identity includes compassion for others, open-mindedness and intelligence.
I guess I can have my cleavage and intelligence too!
So now I ask you, the reader: How much of your concepts and ideas about sexiness exist because you explored all options and decided that this version of sexy makes you feel great in your skin? Or were you told/showed that this is what sexy looks like and now you try to fit a mould as best as you could?
What makes you feel sexy in your skin?
P.S – If you found this piece valuable and worthy of your time, please pass it along to another female. Sharing is caring 🙂