09 Nov Are You An Energy Giver?
Sleep doesn’t help, if it’s your soul that is tired.
Feeling particularly drained of energy and exhausted with life, I wake up tired every day.
It’s not a ‘I’m fed up with life’ tired (depression), or a ‘My life is too hectic and I need more sleep’ tired (physically tired) it’s being tired at a soul level. It’s a depletion that I have nothing to give to any other human being should I have to interact with him/her. To quote a famous song, “My soul is weary.”
I am an introvert. So I know that I need alone time to recharge. But it dawned on me that because I spend so much time around energy takers, the only way I know to recuperate is to isolate myself. People can go out to the bar to lime and this is just exhausting to me…I’ve actually started avoiding places where I know I am going to meet new people. I don’t have the energy to be polite or friendly or my worst nightmare, small talk!
A couple of weeks ago I was having a chat with a girlfriend of mine. You know one of those long, heartfelt pouring out your worries conversations with a girlfriend who could only understand you at a soul level. And in the middle of my complaining she revealed, “Analise you are an energy giver.”
An Energy Giver?, I thought, what’s that?
It’s a term I would have never used to describe myself or one I would have willing identified with.
In fact, I had to take a couple of hours to process this new adjective and to let it sink in.
I am an Energy Giver.
Now in case you have absolutely no idea what I am talking about, here are a couple definitions that I came across to explain Energy Givers and this is of course led me to the opposite Energy Givers, the definition of Energy Takers
Someone who is optimistic, positive, grateful, sincere and real.
They are people who look out for you and try to help you in every way, shape and form. They understand that you are loyal to them and work hard for them. They are happy to reciprocate your loyalty to them and in some cases go above and beyond what you do for them.
They are focused on others, guided by what other people need and help without expecting anything in return. Givers strive to share their time, energy,knowledge, skills, ideas and connections with other people who can benefit from them. Their focus is on making a real difference in their field and having a positive impact on others.
Someone who is pessimistic, a victim, negative, a blamer and has never done a thing wrong in their life.
They are the people that never have your best interest at heart. They are people that will take from you all day long without a thought of trying to reciprocate your energy. They either are in your life every day or show up from time to time.
Energy takers are the ones that never call to check up on you and just continue to ask for things.
The one who think their interests are more important than others’ needs, and they want to get more than they give. They think that the workplace is a competition, and that in order to succeed, they need to be better than others. To prove their competence, they promote themselves and make sure they receive abounding credits for their efforts. When takers help, they do that strategically, when the benefits to them surpass the personal costs.
Back to my being tired.
I have way too many energy takers in my life. And they are not 100% to blame. I am partially at fault because I haven’t been setting proper boundaries with people in my life. That’s the thing with having a kind heart. You don’t demand attention and time for people because you may not need it as much as they do. But when you’ve had enough, you’ve had enough.
I started evaluating the people in my life using the following questions. And no one in your life should be spared from being evaluated. Mummy, Daddy, daughter, bff, cousin, husband, neighbour, boss – everybody should be evaluated.
7 Clues That Someone in Your Life is An Energy Taker
- How much energy has this person spent trying to help you compared to the energy that you spend on them?
- Do they ever call to check up on you or is every communication asking for a favour?
- Does this person ever ask what do you want to do when planning outings or is it always about them and you just fall in?
- Does this person require constant attention from you and if you don’t give it to them it’s met with annoyance?
- When life gets hard for you is this person there for you?
- When you need to lean on this person for a favour is it like pulling teeth? Or even would you rather just not ask this person for a favour at all?
- Has this person ever reached out to try to help you out of the blue without you asking them?
I’m still going through this process. I’m by no means super clear on eradicating takers from my life but I have made a commitment that going forward I shall focus on energies on the persons who give me the most in this life and reduce my time with those persons and activities that sap my energy.
If it’s one thing I know about my limited time on this Earth, is that there are too many people walking around unaware of the energy they bring into a space or how their energy impacts others. I was once unconscious myself. I once thought that I was merely reacting to people all of the time and not understanding that I too with my presence, affected others.
Here’s to self-awareness. Here’s to creating boundaries that don’t shut people out but protect our hearts.
As Danielle LaPorte says, “Open heart. Big fucking fence.”